Ten Commandments of Driving in Central America

 Just a few useful tips we have picked up from other drivers down here:

1) It is recommended that all people in the vehicle (including the driver) constantly consume some type of alcoholic beverage while in the vehicle; this makes the mundane task of driving much more interesting and exciting. No problema

2) Smoking ganja while driving is also encouraged, and fun. No problema

3) Do not ever obey posted speed limits, they mean nothing. Driving 80+ in a 40 zone is absolutely fine. Just drive as fast as you feel comfortable depending on your current state of intoxication. No problema

4) Should you find yourself behind some "stupid gringo" actually obeying posted speed signs, please pass them. You may pass on either a dotted or solid line; in fact succesfully passing on a solid line is highly respected by other drivers and shows "cahones". No problema

5) While trying to pass a slow gringo, if you encounter oncoming traffic, pass anyways.  Oncoming vehicles will not mind slowing down so that you can make your pass. No problema

6) While driving on the highway, should you find yourself in need of a nap, smoke break, phone call, or pee break, etc.,  simply stop right where you are (in the middle of the road is just fine) and toss on your hazard lights. You can now take your time to finish whatever it is you need to do, and other vehicles will just pass you. No problema

7) If traffic is going too slow, simply make another lane. If it is paved, or even driveable, it is fair game. Road lines mean nothing in Central America. No problema

8) Don't forget to think green: Cram as many people as possible into one vehicle; in the back of a truck, in the trunk of a car, on the roof, hanging out the doors. Save the planet, man!! No problema

9) While driving at night always have your highbeams on. Oncoming traffic will really appreciate the extra visibility gained by having bright lights shone at them. No problema

10) Always remember that you are in Central America, where the Policia have much bigger issues to tackle than your questionable  driving. However, in the unlikely event that you get busted breaking a "law", just toss twenty bucks at the Policia and you can happily go on your way. No problema!